21 Aralık 2011 Çarşamba

Wedding Chronicles


"When is your big day?" is the most common question when you decide to get hitched. Big day is really a big day!

The whole organisation is full of clichés. I'm not talking about clichés like the fake cake that you pretend like slicing and offering to your just wed spouse or critisizing eyes that wander around your dress, hair and make-up, curious elderly people who check out the amount of golden gifts you receive etc.

In fact, invitations are the biggest hassle. How many people you will invite? How are you going to classify them? Who is going to sit with whom?

Take a look at the categories:

- Political invites: people who you are supposed to invite even though they won't come
- Mandatory invites: your relatives and some colleagues

- Real invites: People who will make your day and who made your life so far.

No matter how precisely you plan everything you will have two surprises: some people that you think 100% would come won't turn up and some will turn up unexpectedly. When you handle the invitation if the person avoids eye contact and moan this is the first signal that they will improve this excuse-like situation later on.

I should mention the last two day's typical excuses too. Last two days are critical. Prior to the big day rock and roll starts. You will receive theatrical phone calls and messages.

All of a sudden they will have to look after their kids and nanny will be off, married ones will blame the husbands or wives, most popular excuse is sudden back pain or diarhea. Funerals are life-saving too. It will either be anniversary of a death or first month etc. What is awkward is people wait until the last moment to realise that it is the anniversay of a death JUST on your big day. Blimey! Some will be travelling and they just miss your wedding. Oh poor travellers. Bless them.

Apparently no one can dare to say that they just don't feel like coming, they don't want to spend money on a new dress, or a gift, they always fancied you or your spouse to be, they don't like weddings or whatever the real reason is.

Big day is a big day that flies. How about your house? The house that people keep promising to visit one day. There are many clichés in the house as well.

You won't understand women's kitchen stuff fetishism. It's even more dangerous than shoe-holics and shopaholics! You will end up with 5 sets of cups, countless mugs, zillions of forks, spoons and plates, trays, glasses, pans, bits and pieces that you don't even know what to use for?!

How about the style? It's hard to disagree with Allison Pearson:

"Is it coincidence that we spend far more than our parents ever did on the restyling and improvement of our homes - homes in which we spend less and less time because we are out earning the money to pay for Italian kitchen and stripped oak floors? It's as though home had become some kind of stage set for a play in which we one day hope to star."

15 Kasım 2011 Salı

Two cities Thousand Differences



How can I compare and contrast Istanbul and London? One is British capital of immigrants from a multi-cultural approach and the other is an old Roman city and new cultural capital of Turks.

Istanbul is the city that I grew up, I have been a student for the first time, I fell in love and instantly I regretted, I made big mistakes as anyone did and I forgave myself, I worked and earned my money, saved and spent, travelled from and so.

London is the city where I was reborn, reincarnated, rediscovered my limits, and extended my knowledge, wisdom, experience and built up by personality further.

London is the city of "hope" where Istanbul is "hopelessness". People come to London to find better life conditions, jobs, better education or simply to find themselves. Whereas people come to Istanbul know that there is nothing they can find rather than this beautiful city itself and its unique view of Bosphorus.

Both cities have a theme on water: London's rain and Istanbul's humidity. Both cities are divided by water; London by brown river Thames and Istanbul by crystal clean sea water. Both cities have bridges: London Bridge and Tower bridge vs Istanbul Bosphorus Bridge and Fatih Bridge. Additionally, Istanbul is a virtual bridge between the West and the East, Europe and Asia, conservatism and liberalism. Whereas London is a melting pot, an orchestra of different cultures without any harmony and order in.

London has a good transport network under and overground, light and heavy railways, different variations and so. Istanbul has the most uncomplicated transport network ever -few lines only, also an overground bus lane which is treated as a subway called metrobus!? Both cities' transport system are bullshit when you need them anyways.

Istanbul cabs are yellow, driven by crazy drivers and London cabs are black and their chauffeurs are big-headed snobs.

In Istanbul when you dine out no matter how cheap the restaurant is you feel like you are served and welcomed but in London no matter how expensive the restaurant is you feel very cheap and unimportant.

In Istanbul people do not use many things in daily life: seat belt, traffic lights, fire extinguisher, bins, recycle bins, pavements, sorry, thank you, excuse me...

In London people either do not use or abuse some things in daily life: soap and water, alcohol, sex, toilet paper, napkin, tissue, sorry, thank you, excuse me...

In Istanbul it seems like women do not know how to open their car doors, how to park, how to carry a bag, how to tip, how to pay something if there happens to be a man around. In London women can do everything with or without men around!

In London if you have an appointment at 10.30am you turn up on time or earlier if late you give an excuse and say sorry but in Istanbul you may turn up some time before noon, no need to give an excuse if you do you just say "Istanbul traffic" and that's it. If you turn up on time you are called either an obsessed person or a punctual one!

In London when you send an email you usually receive a reply to confirm that your request is being handled and somehow you'll be got back to but in Istanbul you never receive a confirmation then you call them and the reaction is "offcourse we got your email and we're working on it" Wow really!?

In Istanbul Starbucks we all have our identity: they write your name on the coffee cups but in London you are just a call: "regular latte machiato!"

In Istanbul you don't feel comfortable when you spend all day out alone but London is the city of loneliness. You go to park, you eat, shop alone, live alone happily ever after. Lonely London... Sigh...

14 Ekim 2011 Cuma

Classless or Classy Society? Postcode phenomena of London


Once upon a time there was such a dream called "classless society" where all people are truly equal. It never entirely came true because of many reasons.

Here I am not to give a boring lecture on sociology. But shortly, classifying makes controlling easier. You classify dishes, clothes, regions, areas, streets, military forces, academics, businesses and science. It is easier to set rules, policies, opportunities when you classify a society. And classlessNess prevents to create a classy society. Like in London.

London's classes are coded via post. This is a cliché that postcodes label people immediately. 4 letters 9 numbers draw a picture of your life. Have a look:

SE 16 - South East: You have an entry level job and poor digit salary. You prefer using bus pass. Your neighbours are some black families with cute kids.

SW 4 - South West: You like edgy night life and you've got more gay friends than straights. You've just been to a music festival last month. You live in London for over 5 years now. Still you get 2-digit salary.

E8 - East: Rundown buildings cost a fortune in the name of being "trendy". There is a high turn over in your neighbouring flat. They advertise their shared flat like this: "we are looking for a young professional. We like our privacy but we also enjoy a glass of red wine after a working day in the living room"

N4 - North: You feel quite uncomfortable after a late night out on the way home. You can hear 10 different languages on the streets. Hmmm.. nice kebab shops around. You know what? You are either an immigrant or an immigrant!

W8 - West: Well...if you happen to live there you wouldn't read this blog! you enjoy dancing in the same clubs as Prince Harry. so neexxt!

W5 - West: You have a decent job. You save money, go holidays 3 times a year. You take the tube on weekdays and drive outside London on weekends. You enjoy a bit quieter life. You're still single though.

NW3 - You have either a family that one of your kid is taking a gap year this year or have a degree and luck and been living in London for over 10 years now. 3-digit salary but no one knows how many asses you licked though.

21 Eylül 2011 Çarşamba

A guide on how to spot a rogue!

10 ways to spot a wrong 'un



1. Has three mobile phones. The one supplied by work is silent. The other two ring constantly.

2. Takes a genuine interest in compliance seminars.

3. Once devised an accounting software programme.

4. Drinks with the IT department.

5. Buys a flat in the City- "to be near work".

6. Has developed unusual friendships with back-office people in Switzerland, with whom he goes on cycling holidays.

7. Is a bit too helpful. Always happy to take care of manual inputting jobs.

8. Is NEVER off sick.

9. Has geeky male friends and (solely) very attractive female ones.

10. Has a wing-mirror on his monitor(seriously people have these).



source: Evening Standard, Simon English column

29 Haziran 2011 Çarşamba

NHS Tragedy



Today I understand once again that NHS is a useless system that only works for birth control, STDs, and cancer.

The whole idea is making things too complicated that you finally give up freaking bureaucracy and find your own way of recovering. Do you want to know how? Take a deep breath and read then:

Monday morning: I had hay-fever last Sunday after a tiring journey. I woke up sweating as if I attended a marathon Monday morning and called my GP (General Practitioner) GP is the doctor who you never meet but you have his name on all NHS documents. You can't reach him when you need him. You are periodically forwarded to a lot of useless nurses instead (there are always exceptions for sure!). You register with a different GP wherever you move in to so that they are aware of your existence, they can invite you for cancer scanning, they can give you thousands of condoms for free or prescribe contraceptions. Yes NHS is obsessed with birth control!

Anyway. GP gave me the "first available appointment" for Tuesday afternoon. I forgot to tell you. You have to make an appointment to see your doctor for a cold, flu etc. In the mean time you are on your own. When you finally get the chance to see your GP you mostly recovered or your medical condition is evolved. You would be survived on paracetamol's, hot tea with lemon or lemsips, reiki, pray, good will etc.

Tuesday morning: Hence I woke up Tuesday morning with an itchy eye. It was eye infection. However it was to take another 2 days to diagnose eye infection for NHS! Because GP said my temperature is fine, my tonsils look all right. I should be drinking lots of liquid and "two of my eyes are the same", no problem!

This "very scientific" explanation from my so-called GP did not impress me at all then I went to Boots to talk to the pharmacist. She said she couldn't give me antibiotics that I should see an optician for prescriptions. Then I googled my address and optician as key words and phoned the first result to make an appointment. Because my eye was getting painful, worse. Considering my job on TV, being applied make up on&off all the time with a swollen pink eye is the last thing I'd like to have nowadays!

Wednesday morning: My eye was swollen, pink, painful. I could see the infection behind my eye lid. I googled everything I diagnosed myself but all I needed was an antibiotic cream and a doctor with a degree who can prescribe it! My colleague David suggested me to go to eye hospital close to work instead of an optician. I phoned the optician to cancel the appointment. And he said he can refer me to the hospital. I should be seeing the optician first. After general check-up he'll refer me. I was helpless, in pain and in need of urgent solution in my long lunch break so that I could come back to work asap...

Optician checked my eyes. Without using computer-based system: I turned out to be "shirt-sighted" 0.50 both eyes, having very dry eyes needing urgent dehydration. AND after 45 minutes he asked for extra £15 to check my REAL problem, eye lid. He said this could be an allergy but he couldn't say anything. He referred me to an ophthalmologist in another eye hospital in Baker Street. And his mate was showing me frames for glasses. God sake I was trying lots of glasses as if my urgent problem was SEEING! I don't drive, I don't watch TV. The longest distance I look is the computer screen! Who cares being short-sighted when you have a painful infection inside your eye?!? I paid £40 for check-up, £30 for artificial tears for dehydrating my eyes, £90 for lenses, £160 designer's frame: I was robbed around £340. Still no diagnosis to my swollen eye. No solution. Nothing.

It took 1 hour to find the hospital. I waited 2 hours to be seen by a doctor. Apparently I was lucky because I had a referral from my optician otherwise they wouldn't see me that soon (!)

And guess what: Doctor diagnosed infection under eyelid, prescribed antibiotic cream for one week. He said it should get better, if not I should come back for a minor surgery to remove infection. Just like what I read online. He also said take paracetamol for pain just like any other doctor in this country. I went back to work, starving, carrying lots of papers in my hand, late for my afternoon job. eventually I bought the antibiotic cream costing only £5!

NHS is the system that you should fight with the help of your immune system. The only logic is take paracetamol, take days off, put your feet up, eat well and try to strengthen your immune system! Otherwise you are in trouble.

15 Haziran 2011 Çarşamba

Look what London's done to us!


Look what London has done to us:

You had time to kill before, now you live your life as "an appointment-based system".

You've learnt not to open your umbrella for small drops since it can stop soon.

And you learnt not to open your heart too soon since you can find yourself as naked - metaphorically speaking.

You drink, you smoke and define yourself as a social drinker-smoker. This is how they call "shivering smoking" or "drinking in suits" outside huge City buildings and pubs.

You had a lunch break before, now you sneak and munch your sandwich in front of your computer like homeless people.

You wake up with an I-phone or Blackberry alarm not with the morning shine and you switch your brain on with caffeine.

You don't wait for traffic lights turn to green to cross the road as you take initiative not to press "wait" button in rush hours.

You always "mind the gap between the train and the platform", you "press button to operate the lift", you "don't leave your luggages unattended", because you "keep your personal belongings with you at all times."

You wear a helmet to cycle. Well you actually cycle!

You became card-maniac! I bet you carry at least one of these cards:
A-Oyster
B-Tesco
C-company card with a not-quite-like-you picture on
D-medical card from your GP
E-Boots,Body Shop,Nandos, Cafe Nero etc.

And look what London has done to us:

You saw people who had time for sex but too busy for love, who had a fat wallet and thin heart or huge ego and small brain or deep eyes and no vision.

You learnt that girls could ask men out, then get no response and find out those men are both bisexual and racist in this city.

You find yourself looking at the calender to book holidays, checking public holidays, flights, possible long weekends etc every now and then.

You "like" your London friends' facebook status of "BBQ!" when it's sunny on weekends!

You tell your female friends that they look "sexy" when they wear a mini skirt, hills, hold-ups, low V-necks no matter how dreadful they look you appreciate their effort!

And you dislike when they ask you "where are you from?" in pubs, bars, and clubs to start a conversation.

Because no matter who you are, where you are from you are in the same melting pot.

Because in London you are a Londoner.

We love London because in London everyone has their unique IDENTITY and everyone has their ANONYMITY.

14 Haziran 2011 Salı

Get London reading? Whaa?!?


Few weeks ago, The Evening Standard -London's free-to-pick-up paper launched a courageous campaign to tackle illiteracy in the capital. I was impressed by the jaw-dropping figures given by the paper. Get this: Thousands of 11-year-olds start secondary school in London with a reading age of seven!

And Education Secretary Michael Gove said: "Children who cannot read are condemned to spend their entire life in a prison house of ignorance."

I am not planing to praise the paper because of the charity they organized to get London kids reading by the help of volunteers. Not because they don't deserve but I shall draw a different picture with these colours.

London as the capital city of United Kingdom is the centre of civilization in the eyes of people in the Eastern world. Trains and undergrounds in early mornings are full of people whose only foreheads could be seen, half of their faces are covered by newspapers, Ipads, books, magazines, papers whatever you can read something from! Especially when it comes to education, university degrees in engineering, science, law, literature, art and lately media UK universities are still far more better than the ones in Europe and the US in terms of their educational values and quality.

35 years ago when my father studied textile engineering in Bradford there wasn't even any better course in elsewhere in the world to compete with the textile-knitting technology education in the UK. Years later UK universities still hold their good reputation at least in the Eastern world - hard to get acceptance for masters degrees, strict rules during the studies and intensive academic programmes. So what on earth happened to the UK and its capital suffers from children illiteracy?
The paper reports that illiteracy mostly is the problem of the kids whose families speak English as a second language. We know that almost 80% of London is populated by foreigners. But wait a minute. English is my second language as well. I spent -including cost of living £16k for one year masters degree and another £8k to improve my English to academic level. Excuse me sirs! but if those families are refugees and holding UK passports they shouldn't have the luxury of not speaking English and not teaching or reading their kids in English.

Minority or refugee no excuse is acceptable for not reading in the official language of the country you live in. This is like Turks who live in closed Turkish community in Germany and can't read German or Kurds in the Eastern Turkey who can't read in Turkish.

DO GET London and the rest of the world reading and get them out of this prison please...

17 Şubat 2011 Perşembe

Selling Britain by the Pound?

Andrew Sentance, a sole member of BOE's MPC, who has been calling for a rate hike since June 2010 is asking Mr King: Are you selling Britain by the Pound?

And today Pound jumped dramatically to $1,6170, recovering from yesterday's low of $1.5987. His comments helped the speculation that rates will rise soon in the UK.

Who is Andrew Sentance though? Is he to be called a speculator, a realist or "the odd one out" in the committee?

There is wide range of colours in his career palette, from private sector to academics and music. He's a former head of economic policy at the Confederation of British Industry and also had worked as chief economist at British Airways.

Mr Sentance is a star in an Essex-based pop group called "Revelation". He plays bass, guitar and is on vocals. How "cool" is that?

There is something even "cooler" I want to remind you. Annual inflation in the UK hits 4% led by high commodity prices (and VAT rise in January 2011 is yet to be blamed.)

Let's have a look at the implications of this inflation in daily lives:
An "uncool Londoner" who works full-time, stays in a rent house with no car or motorbike and lives 2 zones away from work spends:


- min £4 for transportation

- min £15 for food including breakfast lunch and dinner (obviously very modest dinner cooked at home)

- min £5 of his/her utility bills

- min £15 rent living in the cheapest accommodation


Therefore, a Londoner spends at least 40 quid per day just to inhale and exhale in this country! There is no entertainment, no travelling, no clothing, no cosmetics, no treats in this bill...

I don’t know if anyone is selling Britain by the Pound but it's getting quite expensive for sure - just a revelation…